There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize