There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
