the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
