i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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