He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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