he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
