Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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