yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
