I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
