And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
