so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
she peed on how many people?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
