I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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