Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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