Say something about gay babies.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
