is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Randomize
