1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Randomize