There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
