when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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