well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
