Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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