Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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