In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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