my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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