Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
