there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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