I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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