yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
