Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize