went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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