she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
