There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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