fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
