New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
