Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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