Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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