I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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