I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Farmville is her only friend.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Randomize
