i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
