You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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