They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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