just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize