found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
wow bdsm is so cute
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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