Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
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