I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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