I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
