low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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