Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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