dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
