I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
