All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
