We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
