yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
