I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
