Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize