It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize