And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
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