Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
