I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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