shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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