bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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