I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
