The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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