weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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