she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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