I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
