My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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