everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
