Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
