i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize