the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
