Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's shark week go big or go home
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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