I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Vodka?
Forever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
