chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
