Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
