Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
