I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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