So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
