you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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