Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
