I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize