why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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