She is in my trunk
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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