Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
