I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
