Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
