is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
