Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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