I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
