i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
