my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize