i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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