I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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