dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
