Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize