My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
