he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
