Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
