There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
