i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You can't motorboat a personality
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
