So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
