He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize