I hope my margaritas pass through security.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
